217

i'm watching the tide slowly come in around the jetty. liikely it will be hours before it fills to where i would normally see it.

along the way the plovers are diving for their dinner and seagulls stand on sand bars. although i don't pay attention to them i know that people are walking along the heavy stones in the jetty behind me. b has gone into the provincetown inn to use the restroom.

for the moment i am alone in this world.

i don't know how i can leave here. how can i ever leave this peace and beauty. the ocean runs through my blood and this is home - how can i exist if not here? i know it better than any place on earth and it is as much a part of my life as any other being. i don't want to ever leave, ever. it panics me the thought of leaving. and the sadness of saying good bye yet again overwhelms me and i'm crying.

i return to the moment and thank the universe for giving this to me and center myself in prayer. but the pain of not having it close to me for such long periods of time will still live in my heart.

i comfort myself knowing that one day i will return here and never leave again.