321

i learned last night that a friend with whom b and i were very close (to both he and his partner) during our providence years died very suddenly of a massive heart attack yesterday morning.

i’m stunned. the guy was only 40.

we had a falling out not long after i moved to nyc. they went in one direction, one that we felt wasn’t something we wanted for our lives and as a consequence we had a rather nasty end to our friendship.

but before that happened we did have some wonderful times. we shared many laughs and many happy moments that will forever live on in my memory and within our photo albums and stories. for two years solid i think we saw them just about every weekend and in the summer spent full weeks with them down in provincetown – often doing up marvelous and campy drag and going to events and clubs (i went through a drag phase – my form of expression for a while), a quartet always attracting attention.

in the last couple of years we did make amends. not that we ever hung out again but certainly on the rare occasion we saw each other it was always polite and pleasant – the past buried, regretably the good along with bad.

i’m sad over this news. i’m sad for his partner – i cannot imagine what he must be feeling…the loss, the missing piece. that’s primarily what I have been stuck on since b told me the news. what must he be feeling??? when did they have their last conversation? their last moment alone? what did they say? a week ago they didn’t know how little time they had left and now it is over. it breaks my heart for him and also because it’s something we all could be faced with – i could be faced with…

sometimes we just have no idea that a frying pan is about to slam us flat on in the face, you know?

i’m sad because somewhere in the back of my mind i think i thought we would all reconcile when the day comes b and i move back to providence and of course now…that won’t happen.

don had a wicked and wonderful sense of humor and a brilliant creative mind that came out best in his drag creations often making his own clothes and designing brilliant pieces of jewelry to go with the elaborately coiffed wigs. he could be cutting but if he was on your side he could also be very generous and giving. i experienced both sides of the coin. i choose to focus on one side of the coin although to deny the other would be to deny the person he was and that’s something i don’t like to do.

i will miss him even though he hasn’t been a physical presence in my life for several years.

i continue to send my thoughts and meditations to his partner frank and to don’s family and friends. may they all find strength in their shared loss, shared love and in their memories.