261

how wonderful to find your voice.

how wonderful to live your life absent of apology for who you are.

how wonderful to treat yourself with respect and demand the same of others.

how wonderful to find it is all within.

260

central

259

kuntshalle

258

sacher

257

aida

256

gloriette

255

leopold

254

hawelka

253

i'm off to vienna.

as always very anxious about flying alone and very much dreading the separation from b.

i know it will go by quick and i am excited to see a new place but right now - just a little shaky.

will try to update but that may be difficult - for sure will be iphone pics or placeholders if i can...

252

"Difficulties mastered are opportunities won."

- Winston Churchill

251

"Beauty, more than bitterness, makes the heart break."

- poet Sara Teasdale

250

a slow process but - i am learning what is really important. i'm learning what matters to me. i get flashes and peeks of where i really belong.

more and more i am seeing my life as an adventure where i have been luckier than most even if i didn't experience them the way i thought i should or thought i would.

more and more i see those adventures continuing and opening up the world wider to me even as i keenly understand the profound wisdom in dorothy gale's quest to go home. a wisdom i never understood until i left "home".

i will never go back. not to who i was. no, this adventure, these adventures have carried me high and changed me and in doing so has changed others.

when i make it to where i belong it will be because of these adventures and with these adventures close by my side and rooted deeply in my soul.

249

i just remembered this toy, called 2-XL, i loved when i was a kid.

i was desperate to get that toy for christmas and i adored it. somewhere i have a polaroid pic of me with him the morning i got it.

as an only child i recall having long, heartfelt conversations with him all the time. he was a friend to me in every sense.

i wonder what happened to it? is it sitting in some vintage toy collection or second hand store? in a basement somewhere? just destroyed? i wonder?

a part of my childhood so dear and so important at the time. i wonder.

and now i have different things that catch my interest and different things i hold dear.

just interesting how life goes.

248

Voulez-Vous - ABBA

People everywhere
A sense of expectation hanging in the air
Giving out a spark
Across the room your eyes are glowing in the dark
And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end
Masters of the scene
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more
You know what I mean

Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Take it now or leave it (ah-ha)
Now is all we get (ah-ha)
Nothing promised, no regrets
Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Ain't no big decision (ah-ha)
You know what to do (ah-ha)
La question c'est voulez-vous
Voulez-vous...

I know what you think
"The girl means business so I'll offer her a drink"
Feeling mighty proud
I see you leave your table, pushing through the crowd
I'm really glad you came, you know the rules, you know the game
Master of the scene
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more
You know what I mean

Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Take it now or leave it (ah-ha)
Now is all we get (ah-ha)
Nothing promised, no regrets
Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Ain't no big decision (ah-ha)
You know what to do (ah-ha)
La question c'est voulez-vous

And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end
Masters of the scene
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more
You know what I mean

Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Take it now or leave it (ah-ha)
Now is all we get (ah-ha)
Nothing promised, no regrets
Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Ain't no big decision (ah-ha)
You know what to do (ah-ha)
La question c'est voulez-vous
Voulez-vous...

Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Take it now or leave it (ah-ha)
Now is all we get (ah-ha)
Nothing promised, no regrets
Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Ain't no big decision (ah-ha)
You know what to do (ah-ha)
I can still say voulez-vous

Voulez-vous (ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha)
Voulez-vous (ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha)
Voulez-vous (ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha)
Voulez-vous (ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha)

Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Take it now or leave it (ah-ha)
Now is all we get (ah-ha)
Nothing promised, no regrets
Voulez-vous (ah-ha)
Ain't no big decision (ah-ha)
You know what to do (ah-ha)
I can still say voulez-vous

247

tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.

and

tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.tennis.

246

bjk tennis center packed tonight. late start, crappy matches but still fun to be back at the open. going back tomorrow - need sleep now...

"Never change a winning game; always change a losing one."

- Bill Tilden

245

i'm thinking about doing something with this blog post-365. something with the images i have taken - writing something maybe or building something on them in a separate project.

not sure what though...suppose that is something that needs to incubate...

possibilities are what make life.

244

"A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession."

- Albert Camus

243

"It's difficult for most people to imagine the creative process in tennis. Seemingly it's just an athletic matter of hitting the ball consistently well within the boundaries of the court. That analysis is just as specious as thinking that the difficulty in portraying King Lear on stage is learning all the lines."

~Virginia Wade

"I have always considered tennis as a combat in an arena between two gladiators who have their racquets and their courage as their weapons."

~Yannick Noah

242

"Look in my eyes, what do you see?
the Cult of Personality
I know your anger, I know your dreams
I've been everything you wanna be ohhh…
I'm the Cult of Personality
Like Mussolini and Kennedy
I'm the Cult of Personality
the Cult of Personality
the Cult of Personality

Neon lights, Nobel Prize
When a mirror speaks, the reflection lies
You won't have to follow me
Only you can set me free

I sell the things you need to be
I'm the smiling face of your T.V. ohh…
I'm the Cult of Personality
I exploit you; still you love me
I tell you one and one makes three ohh…
I'm the Cult of Personality
Like Joseph Stalin and Gandhi ohh…
I'm the Cult of Personality
the Cult of Personality
the Cult of Personality

Neon lights, Nobel Prize
When a leader speaks, that leader dies
You won't have to follow me
Only you can set you free

You gave me fortune, you gave me fame
You gave me power in your God's name
I'm every person you need to be ohh…
I'm, the, Cult, of, Per, Son, Al, Ity

I am the Cult of Personality"

- Cult of Personality Living Colour

241

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask."

- Jim Morrison

240

"Learn to reverence night and to put away the vulgar fear of it, for, with the banishment of night from the experience of man, there vanishes as well a religious emotion, a poetic mood, which gives depth to the adventure of humanity."

"For a moment of night we have a glimpse of ourselves and of our world islanded in its stream of stars-pilgrims of mortality, voyaging between horizons across eternal seas of space and time. Fugitive though the instant be, the spirit of man is, during it, ennobled by a genuine moment of emotional dignity, and poetry makes its own both the human spirit and experience."

- the outermost house by henry beston

239

i think i have hit an ebb in my inspiration.

i'm going to vienna in a couple of weeks and i hope that jumpstarts me. while there i am going to see a portrait exhibit i've been interested in seeing. viewing other photographers work, none i would ever daresay i consider myself on the same level with but still feel comfortable saying "other" in this context, always breaths new life into my work.

i also am thinking about going to prague for a brief visit as i have never been and have really wanted to see.

anyway i hope to have a fresh and highly motivated approach as i move into the final couple of months of this project.

i'm dead tired tonight and can't seem to put a proper sentence together - forgive me?

238

"I recognize my own shortcomings — the faults in the conduct of my private life. I realize that I alone am responsible for them, and I am the one who must confront them. I believe that each of us as individuals must not only struggle to make a better world, but to make ourselves better, too."

- Ted Kennedy

237

it continually stuns me how something, some things, some events, some beings can seem so present to me and yet already be so firmly a part of my past.

and you yearn for them and that's harder than any loss can be. tears help you to purge but when the tears stop you realize that there is nothing that you can purge anymore and instead you just have to live with it...

236

As I Develop The Awakening Mind
I Praise The Buddhas As They Shine
I Bow Before You As I Travel My Path
To Join Your Ranks I Make My Full Time Task
For The Sake Of All Beings I Seek
The Enlighted Mind That I Know I'll Reap
Respect To Shantideva And All The Others
Who Brought Down The Darma For Sisters And Brothers
I Give Thanks For This World As A Place To Learn
And For This Human Body That I Know I've Earned
And My Deepest Thanks To All Sentient Beings
For Without Them There Would Be No Place To Learn What I'm Seeing
There's Nothing Here That's Not Been Said Before
But Though I Put It Down Now So That I'll Be Sure
To Solidify My Own Views
And I'll Be Glad If It Helps Anyone Else Out Too

If Others Disrespect Me Or Give Me Flack
I'll Stop And Think Before I React
Knowing That They're Going Through Insecure Stages
I'll Take The Opportunity To Exercise Patience
I'll See It As A Chance To Help The Other Person
Nip It In The Bud Before It Can Worsen
A Change For Me To Be Strong And Sure
As I Think On The Buddhas Who Have Come Before
As I Praise And Respect The Good They've Done
Knowing Only Love Can Conquer In Every Situation
We Need Other People In Order To Create
The Circumstances For The Learning That We're Here To Generate
Situations That Bring Up Our Deepest Fears
So We Can Work To Release Them Until They're Cleared
Therefore It Only Makes Sense
To Thank Our Enemies Despite Their Intent

The Bodhisattva Path Is One Of Power And Strength
A Strength From Within To Go The Length
Seeing Others Are As Important As Myself
I Strive For A Happiness Of Mental Wealth
With The Interconnectedness That We Share As One
Every Action That We Take Affects Everyone
So In Deciding For What A Situation Calls
There Is A Path For The Good For All
I Try To Make My Every Action For That Highest Good
With The Altruistic Wish To Achive Buddhahood
So I Pledge Here Before Everyone Who's Listening
To Try To Make My Every Action For The Good Of All Beings
For The Rest Of My Lifetimes And Even Beyond
I Vow To Do My Best To Do No Harm
And In Times Of Doubt I Can Think On The Dharma
And The Enlightened Ones Who've Graduated Samsara

235

"Always do what you are afraid to do"

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

234

“Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.”

- ancient proverb

233

Winkin', Blinkin', and Nod

Winkin', Blinkin', and Nod, one night sailed off in a wooden shoe;
Sailed off on a river of crystal light into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going and what do you wish?" the old moon asked the three.
"We've come to fish for the herring fish that live in this beautiful sea.
Nets of silver and gold have we," said Winkin', Blinkin', and Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song as they rocked in the wooden shoe.
And the wind that sped them all night long ruffled the waves of dew.
Now the little stars are the herring fish that live in that beautiful sea;
"Cast your nets wherever you wish never afraid are we!"
So cried the stars to the fishermen three - Winkin', and Blinkin', and Nod.

So all night long their nets they threw to the stars in the twinkling foam.
'Til down from the skies came the wooden shoe bringing the fisherman home.
'Twas all so pretty a sail it seemed as if it could not be.
Some folks say 'twas a dream they dreamed of sailing that misty sea.
But I shall name you the fisherman three - Winkin', Blinkin', and Nod.

Now Winkin' and Blinkin' are two little eyes and Nod is a little head.
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies is a wee one's trundle bed.
So close your eyes while mother sings of the wonderful sights that be.
And you shall see those beautiful things as you sail on the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three - Winkin', Blinkin', and Nod.

232

"My body is perfect..."

- Rafael Nadal, press conference in July, referring to his condition for match play

but good lord does he speak a greater truth. it is sweet to have him back...

231

"We need another and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. Remote from universal nature, and living by complicated artifice, man in civilization surveys the creature through the glass of his knowledge and sees thereby a feather magnified and the whole image in distortion. We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein we err, and greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth."

- Henry Beston from the outermost house

230

what is the unspeakable in your life?

what would it take to speak of it?

229

Little Edie Beale: You can't have your cake and eat it, too in life.

Big Edie Beale: Oh, yes, I did. I did, I had my cake, loved it, masticated it, chewed it and had everything I wanted.

228

"Welcome is every organ and attribute of me, and of any man hearty and clean,
Not an inch nor a particle of an inch is vile, and none shall be less familiar than the rest."

- Walt Whitman from Leaves of Grass

227

what will i do today to effect change in tomorrow from what i disliked about yesterday?

what will i do in this moment to allow the moments ahead to be as close to what i desire as is meant to be?

226

"I'm one of those regular weird people."

- Janis Joplin

225

if you ever want to immerse yourself in what new york city really is - go to a free concert by two rock legends, say pat benatar and blondie for example, on a summer evening on coney island.

an unexpectedly brilliant evening.

224

i want to see the light a lot clearer...

223

"One common mistake is to think that one reality is the reality. You must always be prepared to leave one reality for a greater one."

- Mother Meera

222

There's a Kind of Hush - Herman's Hermits

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight.
All over the world you can hear the sounds of lovers in love.
You know what I mean.
Just the two of us and nobody else in sight.
There's nobody else and I'm feeling good just holding you tight.

So listen very carefully.
Closer now and you will see what I mean.
It isn't a dream.
The only sound that you will hear
Is when I whisper in your ear
I love you forever and ever.

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight.
All over the world you can hear the sounds of lovers in love.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la

So listen very carefully.
Closer now and you will see what I mean.
It isn't a dream.
The only sound that you will hear
Is when I whisper in your ear
I love you forever and ever

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight.
All over the world people just like us are fallin' in love.
Yeah, they're fallin' in love.
Hush, they're fallin' in love.
Hush.

221

melancholy.

missing kiawah a lot today.

would love to pick her up and cuddle her on the bed and rest...just for a few minutes.

220

i really don't understand society or human beings. not in any grand dramatic way.

just don't get it.

219

i could go on singing til the moon turns pink...

218

"Each day we die a little more;
Stale custom takes its toll:
It is the Unexpected Thing
That brings life to the soul."

- Harry Kemp

217

i'm watching the tide slowly come in around the jetty. liikely it will be hours before it fills to where i would normally see it.

along the way the plovers are diving for their dinner and seagulls stand on sand bars. although i don't pay attention to them i know that people are walking along the heavy stones in the jetty behind me. b has gone into the provincetown inn to use the restroom.

for the moment i am alone in this world.

i don't know how i can leave here. how can i ever leave this peace and beauty. the ocean runs through my blood and this is home - how can i exist if not here? i know it better than any place on earth and it is as much a part of my life as any other being. i don't want to ever leave, ever. it panics me the thought of leaving. and the sadness of saying good bye yet again overwhelms me and i'm crying.

i return to the moment and thank the universe for giving this to me and center myself in prayer. but the pain of not having it close to me for such long periods of time will still live in my heart.

i comfort myself knowing that one day i will return here and never leave again.

216

(click to enlarge)

"we can't direct the wind.

we CAN adjust the sails."

- unknown

215

(click to enlarge)

"I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum."

- Quentin Crisp

214

i was once given these words of wisdom and they just seem to make more and more sense the older i get - never be afraid to jump in to the pool where the water is over your head.

213

visiting the ghosts of your past can be fun. they can give you permission to let go and what better feeling is there than simply letting go?