today was one of those days where i felt i didn't belong. where i felt the frightening realization that i am all alone on this journey.
most of the time i don't have to face this - i'm surrounded by support and love from family, friends, whomever. caught up in vocation, avocation.
but sometimes, on those days where the support system fails or when i realize the great, gaping cracks that exist in the support system (or heaven forbid that the support system is merely a ghost), i am slapped very hard across the face with the stinging, stinking reminder that nothing i will ever do can change the fact that i am always alone. even amongst crowds of others, i am always alone.
we are always alone and that is a truth. we are born alone and we will die alone. you don't have to like it or even agree to it but it is a truth.
it doesn't always have to mean we are lonely or even aware of this aloneness - just today i was.
1 comment:
Is it telling no one has braved the comment box on this one yet?
Not sure.
However, I am always surprised when people make statements like the one you wrote about in your blog.
On the one hand I have to wonder what is so terrible about being alone?
Solitude and exclusion from the world is, for me, such a necessary part of getting through each day that I find it odd that other people would be disquited by it.
I am by no means a recluse but eight hours of other people is just about enough for me.
On the other hand I have to wonder if people ever really feel alone.
Maybe I have never really felt alone.
Maybe its something to which I cannot attach a tangible feeling.
I have a sneaking suspicion however that none of us ever feels truly and completely disconnected from the world at large.
I think if we did we'd go insane.
I guess my point is that a lot of people I know can't sit still in thier own skin and just be without the distraction of other peoples thoughts and comments or interjections.
I think if you tried to find joy and comfort in your moments of disconnect for no other reason than you have a moment to simply be your whole self without the background or white noise of another personality you would be able to find a better balance between the moments of alone and the moments where you are immersed.
I'm not sure I've made any sense or that I wrote that in a cohesive way but I think you get it.
:P
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