365 - The End and The Beginning

I have finally reached the end of this road.

I’m still not certain of what I’ve accomplished.

I wish I had some brilliant philosophical way to wrap this whole project up. I wish I was able to say that I am confident that I am finally on the right life path and I have it all figured out. That I will leave my 30’s with clarity of mind and purity of intention – that I believe in myself wholly and now see what I must do to find fulfillment. But truthfully I can’t. And I suppose that wasn’t the intention of this anyway.

I can say is that I am happy I saw this through. I can also say that I am happy with many of the photos I took this year. I am happy that I see improvement and refinement in my style. I am happy I finally started formal education in this art form after so many years of it being a part of my life without me even noticing its significance in my life. I am happy that I became aware of the work of so many brilliant and amazing photographers that have come before and that are coming up…and realized that there is still so much more to discover! I am happy that I met new people. I am happy that I played a small role in making at least one person feel a little less stressed and anxious over the curveballs sometimes thrown at us in life. Most of all I am happy I did something for myself that turned out to be a good thing (thanks, Martha!).

At times this year was very, very trying. I really did want to give up many times. I had hissy, diva fits and found myself personally wounded when something I published and loved received no attention whatsoever. I found myself lost many times wondering what the hell I would photograph that day and what I would say.

I experienced the painful loss of a big part of my life while still trying to cope with a painful and significant loss in 2008. I’m not over either of them but I am learning to live with that and slowly trying to find a way to express that through my photography and give them the freedom they deserve. It isn’t about being over the losses it’s about accepting those losses and honoring the reason that the longing from those losses resonates even after months and years have passed.

I’m getting to know myself much better and I’m slowly, ever so slowly, learning what I have to do if I want to be that happier and fulfilled person I have always envisioned. There is so much work to do. I believe I can do it and I believe I WILL do it.

If nothing else that will be the most valuable gem gleaned from this project.

While pondering what I wanted to say in this last entry I did some reading and some research to help me along. I came across many passages and quotations that were very fitting and even in some cases inspirational but among these were two that I think really capture how I feel at this point:

"Woe to you the day it is said that you are finished! To finish a work? To finish a picture? What nonsense! To finish it means to be through with it, to kill it, to rid it of its soul – to give it its final blow; the most unfortunate one for the painter as well as for the picture.” – Pablo Picasso

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” – Louis L’Amour

Yes, yes, yes!!! It is the beginning!!

*****

I really want to say thank you to all who have taken the time to stop in to this blog over the last 365 days. I sincerely appreciate the support. I especially want to thank MargOH!, Robert, Cogent Ascending, Ryan, Tammy, Glenn, both Sams, Joyce, Jeffrey, Jack, the Polish Punk Chick, Elizabeth and my dear Phoebe for following the blog and letting me know what you think…without that support I don’t know how far I would have gotten. I also want to thank my hubby B for the many years he has supported my pursuits and given me unyielding and unconditional encouragement – I love you, babe!!

Thank you all!!!!! I wish you all a brilliant, shining and exciting 2010!!!! See you soon!