275

(iphone)

i've been missing nana and kiawah a lot lately.

when they first died it was almost like those couple of months following, the period of grieving, served to keep them alive. people asked about them and i was given room and allowance to feel sad, depressed, angry, etc.

now it's come to a point where they haven't "died" but they are "dead". and being dead they are just not here anymore. i can't see or feel them in a physical sense any longer. the actual period of grieving following their death was easier than this because i could still feel a living connection to them - they were there and although different than before it was very much a live feeling to me.

and this part is where it has gotten a lot harder. because there is nothing left to say about their passing - no one wants to hear me moan and go on and i'm not sure that's even what i want to do. but each day i move further and further away from a world where they were living.

the memories are strong and their presence in my heart and in my life has never and will never be in question. but the pain of not being able to reach out to them any longer is sometimes overwhelming and the sadness i feel at not having these two souls in my life is a sadness i don't think will ever, ever go away.