17

I've been having really vivid, weird and often disturbing dreams as of late. Some include or are about people I know and I don't even want to share it with them because they are so vivid that they feel like premonitions even though I know they aren't.

Likely they are as a result of this very blog experiment. I'm more aware of not only my surroundings but also of myself. I'm tapping more and more into my fears, desires and hopes in a way that is unfamiliar to me.

I don't know how to process it yet and I'm guessing that is where the dreams come into play.

This blog is not an entirely comfortable or pleasant process and I find myself instinctively turning away and then forcing myself to turn back each day.

When I first started working out in the gym, back when I was about seventeen, I remember the pain and the nausea, the vomitting, after those first few workouts. It was horrible and I seriously thought about quitting. Who needs that?

But I didn't.

And over time I became stronger and my body functioned better and I adapted. Eventually muscle developed and over time, a long, long time, the appearance of my body also changed.

I think this is the same thing. I have to ride this part out because in the end...it will be sooooo worth the pain.

Time To Go To Sleep - New Buffalo

Time to go to sleep
Just lay back (just lay back)
And relax

Time to close your eyes
Just lay back (just lay back)

And relax
On the seventh floorI can see it, it's a swimming pool
But it looks like a river
Saturday, what a day

I'm not lonely but I'm all alone

I'm trying to go to sleep

But I can't go to sleep

I lie awake with coloured lights and ideas

Stacked up high

Where's the diamond in my messy mind

Underneath the streetlight

You see who I am

It lights up the patterns and games

And incomplete sounds and new names

Saturday, what a day

I'm not lonely but I'm all alone

I'm trying to go to sleep

But I can't go to sleep

I lie awake with coloured lights and ideas

Stacked up high

Where's the diamond in my messy mind

I'm trying to go to sleep

I lie awake with coloured lights and ideas

Stacked up high

Where's the diamond in my messy mind

Coloured lights and ideas stacked up high

Where's the diamond in my messy mind