24

I've been truly struggling to find inspiration this week. Obviously it's because I am not as open to it as I was earlier this month.

Depression being what it is, self-doubt having the power that it does and the mish-mash of anger, jealousy and fear have this effect on me. For some artists (not that I have the audacity to call myself an artist, mind you, but for the sake of this post let me use the word) this is where the best of their work comes from. In fact for some were it not for their depression or the misery of their circumstances (whether perceived, created by self or forced upon by outside) it has been argued that these artists would not create or have created what they have.

I don't know about that...maybe van Gogh (I like his work but not one of my favorites anyway probably one of the best examples of a depressed artist) would have created greater works had treatment been available for his depression. No matter, I'm digressing here...

The point is that depression, even in its mildest form in me, is the antithesis of creativity. I TRY to find inspiration. I TRY to see the details and appreciate the beauty but I simply cannot. I don't want to. I close down to it.

I had a huge blowout with my boss at the day job yesterday as a result of just having had ENOUGH. I have been pushed around there for so long and once again something was asked of me that was completely unfair and unreasonable and I stood up for myself and he did not like it. In the state I've been in this week I could not appreciate the beauty in not allowing myself to be trampled again and instead felt sick to my stomach and bad.

If I hadn't been in a "valley" this week I think I would have felt empowered. Perhaps even INSPIRED.

Today, after a decent night of sleep and some socializing last night (which was actually quite difficult and awkward but I managed to converse with a couple of very interesting people anyway), I am feeling better. I spent the afternoon on my own exploring the flea market on 25th, a couple of goodwill shops and stopping in to my favorite vintage shop, Pippin in Chelsea and taking some photos before heading to the gym for a really nice workout.

I came up with a fun idea for a new project that I'm really excited about as a result.

I'm opening back up.